Happy Seasons

by Patrick Canning

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Every year I write and record a Christmas song and then film and edit a video in just the few days before I leave for holidays. They are usually completely amoral. There are only six songs so far but if I remain living long enough there will be more. Merry Christmas.


released December 21, 2009

Patrick Canning - Voice, words, Music, Guitar, Bass, Drums, Glockenspiel, other..
Alison Corbett - Violin (2009)
Justin Mahoney - Bass and Mandolin (2011)
Bill Mahoney - Electric Guitar (2011)
Victor Lewis - Trombone (2009)
Michelle Swab - Accordion, Vocals (2011)
Michelle Swab - Piano and Vocals (2014)
Chris McGee - Saxophone (2015)
Jake Nicoll - Drums (2016)
Alex Bridger - Guitar Melotron (2016)




Patrick Canning St. John'S, Newfoundland and Labrador

With the voice of an angel and cheeks every grandma longs to pinch.

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Track Name: Trump Family Christmas Bombshelter (2016)
Saving up all year to take a holiday away from here today
D#m A
is there any place at all far enough away
We found a hole that’s deep and wide enough to fit us all in here
Is there anyone outside who can cover us with clay
I need to find ten million bandages to wrap around my eyes
If there’s any light at all there’ll be nowhere left to pray
We plug our ears with dirt until the screaming doesn’t hurt our minds
I will sing the Auld Lang Syne until the screaming goes away
A B/F# D#m B/F#
A B/F# D#m B/F#
We speak our words in coded messages we tap onto our palms
D#m A
If you have a voice at all you have nothing good to say
Our masks were held so tight our faces hurt but it’s still hard to breathe
with the ash still in the sky they can’t watch us fade away
We try in vain to hide our waste inside these old abandoned mines
Without any kind of love we’ll forget it’s christmas day
dreaming all the year of some kind of holiday away from here today
is there any place at all far enough away
Track Name: Christmas Stranger (2015)
at Christmas time
I drank a glass of wine
D5 13
and looked into the eyes
D D7
of a stranger

And though the song
had only just begun
I knew when it was done
I was in danger

C Caug
Dancing away the gloom
in the empty room
D D7
that you crept into
within your arms I felt relief
the blade between your teeth
sparkled like the stars

Sax solo

Dancing like there’s nothing wrong
your hands were very strong
beneath the christmas lights
Dancing without regrets
you were cold and wet
a kiss I can’t forget

sax solo
Track Name: Hawaiian Christmas (2014)
Hawaiian Christmas
You stare at palm trees wrapped in Christmas lights
The fake snow on the lava rocks clogs your wheelchair wheels
And the ocean breeze is blowin' hard tonight

Hawaiian Christmas
You never seem to recognize my face
D A D7
The neighbors say Aloha Merry Christmas Marlene
And you act as if a stranger's in their place


Big Island Christmas
You think the Hilton's waitress is your mom
You need a helping hand to hold the spoon up to your mouth
But you remember every word to every song

Hawaiian Christmas
You do not realize you're in a boat
The ocean longs to take both family or a stranger
And I'm sad to say you qualify as both

The waves come up
And the sun goes down
You won't recall
This crying sound
The ocean seems to recognize your name tonight
The ocean longs to hold you in it’s arms
The ocean calls to greet you with hello
Merry Christmas Marlene
Track Name: Reindeer Bones (2013)
My children scare me
D E F# G F# D E F# E D G D
they will run around and cry and throw things at me
D E F# G F# D E
they will scream and scream and scream
F# E D Bm
and scream and scream
they will eat the tinsel off of the tree
they will puke all night and day and day and night
they will never go to sleep without a fight
they will throw the christmas wreaths into the fire
they will curse and swear and slash their grandmas tires
they will roam around the streets in vicious gangs
they will cut you with their claws and sharpened fangs
But late this christmas night
there was a clatter on the roof
like the scrape of Santa’s sleigh
and clack of reindeer hooves
but what followed all that noise
was not the sound of christmas cheer
but a series of violent thuds
E A A7
and a scream of primal fear
I ran outside to see about
this commotion on my home
and I saw my children bathed in blood
with a stack of reindeer bones
reindeer bones
Track Name: Black Peter and his friend Saint Nick (2012)
Little Bruno Muller Schmid burned his sisters hair
and also stole his brother’s toys
and broke the baby’s chair
because he did not beware
Bb Bbm F Fm C Cm
of who was coming up the stairs...

Little Ingrid Eder Haas drowned her father’s goat
and carved a Nazi swastika into her uncles boat
but she had no time to gloat
Bb Bbm F Fm C Cm E C Cm E
because sailing across the moat..

Black Peter and his friend Saint Nick
came sailing into town
C G Am F
and quickly rounded up the horrid children
they stuffed them into boxes filled with
Scorpions and snakes
C G Am F
they guzzled eggnog while the muffled screaming filled the air

They broke in through their windows
They grabbed them from their beds
They tied them up with ropes and chains and gagged their sinful heads
They took all of their toys and games
and threw them in the fire
the fire made from gasoline and little thieves and liars
The people of the town all cheered
while smoke filled up the sky
they’d got their presents earlier, the smoke had made them high
then on the backs of ravens wings
they flew into the air
good ol’ pete and nicholas can end up anywhere
Track Name: Merry Christmas {I'm Leaving You Tonight} (2011)
I’ve packed my bags and I’m leaving you tonight
Merry Christmas
I’ve grabbed the nearest train out of town
Merry Christmas
I’m never going to call you
You won’t know where I am
I’m taking both the kids and the car
Merry Christmas

I’ve cleaned out all the money in the bank
Merry Christmas
I’ve maxed out all your credit cards
Merry Christmas
I called up all your family
And told them you’re on drugs
I told them you beat the kids twice a day

I’ve hacked into your facebook
I posted the pictures from Amsterdam
I got you fired from your daycare center job

I’ve pawned off all your jewelry
I’ve scratched all your cd’s
Flushed all your prescriptions down the drain

I put poison in your fish tank
Spread some rumors you had STDs
Kicked your dog and set your house ablaze
Merry Christmas
Track Name: On Christmas Day The World Ended (2009)
On Christmas day my wife gave birth to snakes On Christmas day she gave birth to serpents
The crows fell from the sky and all the children lost an eye on Christmas day the world was ending
The angels in heaven burned themselves alive on Christmas day on Christmas day they slit their throats open
The air grew thick with arterial spray on Christmas day and I was blinded by lust

And then the bells chime out
And then the choirs sing
Go fuck yourselves

The sound of footsteps on the roof told me the truth at last the time had come for Santa's blood
The gleaming in his eye and in his mouth a festering mountain of sores vile discoloured and awful
And Santa's penis his red curly penis sparkled like comets exploding in fire destroying villages and towns
And as he reached deep in his sac the room was filled with unspeakably horrible sounds of screaming on Christmas day
Track Name: Everyone Cries at Christmas (2008)
I sat watching all the children cry
This disappointing christmas
Your face it bloomed with mustard coloured sores
This wretched christmas
Everyone cries at christmas
Chasing children through the filthy bushes
Their shoes lost in the snow banks
I threw their suppers to the hunting dogs
To teach the how to give thanks
Everyone cries at christmas
Everyone cries at christmas
(where's my money?)
Throwing bleach into the pony's eyes
I thought I taught you better
All you're getting from Santa Claus
Is some blood stains on your sweater
Because everyone dies at christmas
Everyone dies at christmas