Happy Seasons

by Patrick Canning

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Every year I write and record a Christmas song and then film and edit a video in just the two days before I leave for holidays. They are usually completely amoral. There are only five songs so far but if I remain living long enough there will be more. Merry Christmas.


released 21 December 2009

Patrick Canning - Voice, words, Music, Guitar, Bass, Drums, Glockenspiel, other..
Alison Corbett - Violin (2009)
Justin Mahoney - Bass and Mandolin (2011)
Bill Mahoney - Electric Guitar (2011)
Victor Lewis - Trombone (2009)
Michelle Swab - Accordion, Vocals (2011)




feeds for this album, this artist
Track Name: Reindeer Bones (2013)
My children scare me
D E F# G F# D E F# E D G D
they will run around and cry and throw things at me
D E F# G F# D E
they will scream and scream and scream
F# E D Bm
and scream and scream
they will eat the tinsel off of the tree
they will puke all night and day and day and night
they will never go to sleep without a fight
they will throw the christmas wreaths into the fire
they will curse and swear and slash their grandmas tires
they will roam around the streets in vicious gangs
they will cut you with their claws and sharpened fangs
But late this christmas night
there was a clatter on the roof
like the scrape of Santa’s sleigh
and clack of reindeer hooves
but what followed all that noise
was not the sound of christmas cheer
but a series of violent thuds
E A A7
and a scream of primal fear
I ran outside to see about
this commotion on my home
and I saw my children bathed in blood
with a stack of reindeer bones
reindeer bones
Track Name: Black Peter and his friend Saint Nick (2012)
Little Bruno Muller Schmid burned his sisters hair
and also stole his brother’s toys
and broke the baby’s chair
because he did not beware
Bb Bbm F Fm C Cm
of who was coming up the stairs...

Little Ingrid Eder Haas drowned her father’s goat
and carved a Nazi swastika into her uncles boat
but she had no time to gloat
Bb Bbm F Fm C Cm E C Cm E
because sailing across the moat..

Black Peter and his friend Saint Nick
came sailing into town
C G Am F
and quickly rounded up the horrid children
they stuffed them into boxes filled with
Scorpions and snakes
C G Am F
they guzzled eggnog while the muffled screaming filled the air

They broke in through their windows
They grabbed them from their beds
They tied them up with ropes and chains and gagged their sinful heads
They took all of their toys and games
and threw them in the fire
the fire made from gasoline and little thieves and liars
The people of the town all cheered
while smoke filled up the sky
they’d got their presents earlier, the smoke had made them high
then on the backs of ravens wings
they flew into the air
good ol’ pete and nicholas can end up anywhere
Track Name: Merry Christmas {I'm Leaving You Tonight} (2011)
I’ve packed my bags and I’m leaving you tonight
Merry Christmas
I’ve grabbed the nearest train out of town
Merry Christmas
I’m never going to call you
You won’t know where I am
I’m taking both the kids and the car
Merry Christmas

I’ve cleaned out all the money in the bank
Merry Christmas
I’ve maxed out all your credit cards
Merry Christmas
I called up all your family
And told them you’re on drugs
I told them you beat the kids twice a day

I’ve hacked into your facebook
I posted the pictures from Amsterdam
I got you fired from your daycare center job

I’ve pawned off all your jewelry
I’ve scratched all your cd’s
Flushed all your prescriptions down the drain

I put poison in your fish tank
Spread some rumors you had STDs
Kicked your dog and set your house ablaze
Merry Christmas
Track Name: On Christmas Day The World Ended (2009)
On Christmas day my wife gave birth to snakes On Christmas day she gave birth to serpents
The crows fell from the sky and all the children lost an eye on Christmas day the world was ending
The angels in heaven burned themselves alive on Christmas day on Christmas day they slit their throats open
The air grew thick with arterial spray on Christmas day and I was blinded by lust

And then the bells chime out
And then the choirs sing
Go fuck yourselves

The sound of footsteps on the roof told me the truth at last the time had come for Santa's blood
The gleaming in his eye and in his mouth a festering mountain of sores vile discoloured and awful
And Santa's penis his red curly penis sparkled like comets exploding in fire destroying villages and towns
And as he reached deep in his sac the room was filled with unspeakably horrible sounds of screaming on Christmas day
Track Name: Everyone Cries at Christmas (2008)
I sat watching all the children cry
This disappointing christmas
Your face it bloomed with mustard coloured sores
This wretched christmas
Everyone cries at christmas
Chasing children through the filthy bushes
Their shoes lost in the snow banks
I threw their suppers to the hunting dogs
To teach the how to give thanks
Everyone cries at christmas
Everyone cries at christmas
(where's my money?)
Throwing bleach into the pony's eyes
I thought I taught you better
All you're getting from Santa Claus
Is some blood stains on your sweater
Because everyone dies at christmas
Everyone dies at christmas